Speeding up vs slowing down

This week I had intended to share my new goals in different areas of my life, habits I planned to change, the system I planned to use and what I was getting started on first.

I thought after last week’s post, the correct response would be to immediately speed up, make something good out of the bad, and get moving forwards with my life.

And then something happened…

A couple of days after I sent that email, I felt my body ache all over, I felt tired… REALLY tired. I started to notice how differently I felt. My shoulders had dropped. I wasn’t wound up as tightly or as tense any more. I could feel my body, how it really felt. After 13+ months of pain and stress, my body had finally relaxed, and it was feeling the aftereffects.

A similar thing happened with my mind. I no longer woke up thinking of how to get her back, my mind previously occupied with a million different scenarios of things I could write, say or do that might make the difference. My ability to think clearly and about what I wanted, was returning.

At one point, I sat on my sofa with my dog and realised I can just be. That’s all I needed right now, to just be, to slow down and just be in the moment. I didn’t have to do anything.

It was so tempting for me to rush forwards, to plough ahead with some of my new plans. But I knew that right now what I needed, was to slow down, if only for a few days or a week, and that’s okay… the plan can come next week.

For 13+ months I’ve been a shadow of myself, I’ve been a hermit, I’ve not made jokes, I’ve not fully laughed, I’ve not communicated particularly well, I’ve not reached out to many friends, I’ve not pushed forwards with my business… I haven’t been myself, I haven’t recognised myself, and in many ways, I was just in survival mode.

But now, I feel myself coming back, and it’s almost like I’m downloading the real me back into my body, and I need a little time to adjust. It has felt like a fog is lifting, there are still challenges, but I know I will be okay.

I can start to feel a little fire burning inside of myself again, and that is something I haven’t felt for a very long time.

Sharing last week’s email was a big moment for me, a big step out of the abyss, and I appreciate everyone who took the time to read it, especially those who responded with messages of kindness and support.

I never intended this blog to chronicle my recovery from the breakdown of my marriage, but life has many unexpected turns and here we are, I know there are better times ahead. Sometimes we need something to leave our life, to make space for something new.

If you enjoyed this post, sign up for Strategic Sundays to get the latest one into your inbox every Sunday.

(Unsubscribe anytime, I’ll never share your data with anyone.)

An SEO Consultant based in Mansfield Woodhouse, United Kingdom. I'm obsessed with SEO at the moment, but I also love talking about and interpreting marketing in general, productivity and entrepreneurship.

2 comments On Speeding up vs slowing down

  • Alberto Zamprogno

    Talking publicly about this problem is a good way to ease the pain. I would do it too mate.
    I’ve never been in this situation, but I think the pain caused by a divorce/separation can be similar to a bereavement. Often in the first months there are strong and conflicting sensations, such as anger, nostalgia and sadness.
    I think it’s dangerous to get carried away by just one of these sensations. For example, anger can cause vengeful behavior, sadness a depression that is difficult to get out of, etc…
    Perhaps the best thing is to mix these sensations over time, to weaken them. You say you stopped voluntarily for a few days: this perhaps allows you to “deposit” the various items that were in rapid motion. The water becomes less cloudy (or, as you say, the fog starts to clear) and in this way you can have a clearer view after a big stress of 13 months. The tiredness you mentioned is positive, if I understood correctly.

    I repeat again that I am the last person in the world who can give advice in this matter, but I think it is also important to try to give the breakup of marriage a meaning that is not necessarily/completely negative. Then use this teaching to create a new life opportunity. You rekindled the fire within you (not everyone is able) and now, in my opinion, you have an advantage over the others who haven’t been through this problem, because anyone who has had a too perfect and comfortable life up to now is less prepared to face potential obstacles.

    Mate, you know that I always have great respect for you. If you can say hello to your two children for me.

    Alberto from Italy

    • Thank you for your thoughtful comments my friend, I really appreciate it!

      Yes the tiredness was positive, a release of tension and built up stress.

      And you’re right in that I think in this type of situation, it can be easy to get into depression and other emotions that are difficult to get out of, and it’s possible to carry that with you forever in some cases.

      Going through that whole situation was the hardest time of my life, but life is kind of crazy in that now I’m in such a good place, that I’m glad it happened. I feel so good about my life now, have learned so many difficult lessons, but as you say, if you live too much of a comfortable life then you aren’t prepared to face potential obstacles.

      Everything happens for a reason, I couldn’t see a reason for the longest time… but now I see it very clearly.

      It definitely helped to write about it publicly and put it out there, was really cathartic and helped me process things in a different way.

      Again, appreciate you taking the time, and I will say hello to my kids for you.

Leave a reply:

Your email address will not be published.